The best stories rarely stick to the facts. Even so, not because the storyteller is lying, but because life itself doesn't unfold in neat, perfectly documented scenes. When someone says "all this happened more or less," they're usually hitting on something profound about how we actually experience and remember events.
Think about your own memories. Practically speaking, do you recall conversations word-for-word? Can you pinpoint exactly what someone wore three years ago? Probably not. But you remember the feeling, the essence, the way the afternoon light slanted through the window. That's what makes stories resonate.
This phrase captures something essential about authentic storytelling. In practice, it's permission to be human with your narrative. And in a world obsessed with precision and perfection, that permission matters more than you might think.
What "All This Happened More or Less" Actually Means
The phrase works on multiple levels. Now, emotions color recollections. But the sequence of events shifts slightly with each retelling. Time distorts details. At its core, it's an acknowledgment that memory is imperfect. But here's the thing — none of that makes the story less true Simple, but easy to overlook..
When writers use this phrase, they're signaling that while the specifics might not be exact, the emotional reality is spot-on. Now, it's the difference between a photograph and a painting. Both capture truth, but in different ways.
The Permission to Be Approximate
Most people feel pressure to get everything right. Every date, every quote, every detail must be verified. But storytelling isn't journalism. Even so, it's not a courtroom testimony. It's about capturing something real, even if that means bending the edges of what actually occurred.
"All this happened more or less" gives storytellers license to prioritize emotional accuracy over factual precision. It's why memoirs feel more genuine than autobiographies. Why personal essays connect more deeply than news reports.
When Exact Facts Get in the Way
Sometimes the pursuit of perfect accuracy actually weakens a story. Lifeless. Still, they felt dead. Because of that, i've read pieces where every conversation was allegedly recorded verbatim, where every outfit and gesture was catalogued with robotic precision. Because real life isn't lived in perfect detail Most people skip this — try not to. That alone is useful..
The phrase suggests something messier, more human. Events that unfolded with the slight confusion and imperfect recall that characterizes actual experience.
Why This Matters for Storytelling
Here's what happens when you embrace this approach: your stories become more relatable. Even so, people stop wondering "did this really happen? " and start asking "does this feel true?" There's a crucial difference And it works..
Building Authentic Connection
Readers can smell inauthenticity from a mile away. Still, when every detail feels forced or overly polished, something fundamental gets lost. But when you allow for approximation — when you trust that the emotional core matters more than perfect recall — readers lean in closer That's the part that actually makes a difference. Still holds up..
They recognize their own imperfect memories in your imperfect story And that's really what it comes down to..
The Power of Emotional Truth
Facts can be verified. When someone says "all this happened more or less," they're usually emphasizing that while the timeline might be fuzzy, the impact was real. Feelings can't. And feelings are what make us human. The heartbreak, the joy, the confusion — that's what sticks Less friction, more output..
This approach works particularly well in personal essays, memoir writing, and creative nonfiction. It's why some of the most powerful stories acknowledge their own limitations upfront Most people skip this — try not to..
How to Use This Technique Effectively
So how do you actually employ this method without losing credibility or confusing your audience?
Know Your Purpose
Before you write, ask yourself: am I trying to document history or capture experience? Practically speaking, if it's the latter, exactitude becomes less important. You're not writing a police report; you're sharing something that mattered Took long enough..
Signal Your Intentions Early
Don't spring approximation on readers halfway through. If you're going to take liberties with memory or timeline, let people know upfront. That's where phrases like "all this happened more or less" become invaluable — they set expectations.
Focus on Sensory Details
While you might not remember exact words, you probably remember sensations. Here's the thing — the smell of rain on hot pavement. The way someone's laugh sounded. These details often carry more emotional weight than precise dialogue anyway.
Trust Your Instincts
If a detail feels wrong but captures the essence, go with it. Your subconscious often knows better than your conscious mind about what makes a story work.
Common Mistakes People Make
Even with good intentions, this approach can go sideways. Here's where things typically break down.
Confusing Approximation with Fabrication
There's a difference between saying "I remember it more or less like this" and making up entire events. The former builds trust; the latter destroys it. Stay honest to the emotional truth while acknowledging memory's limitations Small thing, real impact..
Over-explaining the Disclaimer
You don't need to apologize for imperfect recall. Day to day, a simple acknowledgment works better than a lengthy justification. Readers appreciate honesty without hand-holding That's the part that actually makes a difference..
Ignoring Context Completely
While exact facts matter less, major context shifts can be problematic. Changing seasons, locations, or significant relationships without acknowledgment can confuse rather than clarify And that's really what it comes down to..
Making Everything Vague
Some writers swing too far in the other direction, making everything so approximate that nothing feels real. The key is finding the sweet spot between precision and authenticity Less friction, more output..
Practical Tips That Actually Work
Let's get concrete about implementing this approach.
Start with Feeling, Not Facts
Begin your story by asking: what did this experience teach me? How did it change me? What emotion do I want to convey? Build outward from there.
Use Specific, Not Exact, Details
Instead of "she said exactly this," try "she said something like this." Instead of precise timestamps, use relative time: "a few hours later," "the next morning."
Embrace the Gaps
Don't feel obligated to fill every silence. Sometimes what you don't remember is as telling as what you do. "I don't recall what we talked about, but I remember feeling..." can be powerful.
Let Characters Be Slightly Unclear
People in your stories don't need perfect recall either. They can contradict themselves. Worth adding: they can be confused about dates. This makes them more human, not less credible Not complicated — just consistent..
Trust Reader Intelligence
Your audience understands that memory fades. But they appreciate honesty about this process rather than forced precision. Give them credit for getting it Not complicated — just consistent..
Frequently Asked Questions
Is this just an excuse to make things up?
Not at all. It's about honoring the difference between documented fact and experienced truth. You're still accountable to emotional honesty.
How do I know when to use this approach?
Personal stories, reflective pieces, and experiential writing benefit most. Hard news reporting and academic work require different standards Not complicated — just consistent..
What if someone calls me out on inaccuracies?
Be prepared to discuss the difference between factual precision and emotional truth. Most reasonable readers understand this distinction.
Can I use this in fiction too?
Absolutely. Even fictional stories often feel more authentic when they acknowledge their own constructed nature.
Does this apply to business writing?
Sometimes. Case studies and personal experience pieces in professional contexts can benefit from this human touch, though data-heavy content still needs accuracy The details matter here. That alone is useful..
The Real Magic Happens in the Messiness
Here's what I've learned from years of reading and writing: the stories that stick are rarely the ones with perfect recall. They're the ones that capture something essential
Theycapture the feeling, the texture, the quiet moments that linger long after dates and dialogue have faded. And when we allow ourselves to speak in approximations, we invite readers into the lived experience rather than a sterile transcript. The slight fuzziness around the edges becomes a doorway—readers step through, projecting their own memories onto the gaps, and in that collaborative act the story gains resonance.
No fluff here — just what actually works.
Approximation does not diminish truth; it reframes it. Here's the thing — by honoring how memory actually works—selective, emotional, reconstructive—we write with humility and openness. This mindset frees us from the paralysis of chasing perfect recall and redirects our energy toward what truly matters: the insight, the transformation, the emotional core that prompted us to tell the tale in the first place.
So the next time you sit down to write a personal narrative, pause before reaching for the exact quote or the precise timestamp. Ask instead what the moment felt like, what it revealed, and let those answers guide your details. Trust that your readers will meet you halfway, filling in the blanks with their own humanity. Plus, in that shared space of imperfect recollection lies the power to connect, to heal, and to endure. Embrace the messiness, and let your stories breathe Most people skip this — try not to. Less friction, more output..
